the significance of the Horizon

Days spent looking upward
All my years bleed through the floor
Blurred into blindspots in corners of daydreaming eyes
You'll never see me coming - I swear it
Faint and fatal as carbon monoxide
Nails white as erasers with the will to match them
Teeth sharp as razors dull nails to scratch them
I've got a bad feeling but it's got nothing to do with this..

i'm slowly starting to realize the people i care about are giving up on me. everyone i know either has something against me, or just doesn't give a shit. last weekend was terrible, in its entirety, but it was nothing compared to monday.
in short, my friends make me feel meaningless, but not nearly as much as my girlfriend. i feel like i need time to myself, but i know nothing good will come of staying silent. dormancy is a disease i'm not capable of fighting.
i'm just having trouble figuring out who cares about me. it seems like an ongoing issue i just keep throwing myself at.
ive been staying up all night and going to sleep around noon for the past few days. today i can't sleep at all. i can't quit thinking about the fact that Lauren is about to leave me, and how alone i'm going to be afterward. i don't mean to bitch and whine, but i'm not well, and i'm tired of pretending that i am.